Filed under: General health. Tagged as: General health.
He thinks I am some kind of sexual perpetual-motion machine. He even tells people that once he turns me on he can’t tum me off. Absurd. I get to a point where stimulation actually hurts. Maybe all those other women can go on forever. I can’t.
I have already discussed the “sexual witch” mythology, and myth seven perpetuates this view of women. Chapter Five pointed out that women have a refractory period, a time when sexual stimulation is ineffective or even painful. Men and women are not different on this issue.
Masters and Johnson state that “there is a major difference between male and female sexual response immediately following orgasm.” They go on to state that only men have a refractory period, but that “all females have the physical capability of being multior-gasmic.” They add, “Men, on the other hand, cannot have multiple orgasm.” This idea is based on the erroneous assumption that, as Masters and Johnson state, “An orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm.” The couples, and your own subjective experience, teach otherwise. Orgasms and psychasms exist in varying degrees at varying times. We do not “climax.” Eric Berne writes, “Climax started off as a decent enough word, but it has been so overworked on the newsstands that it now sounds like the moment when two toasted marshmallows finally get stuck to each other.” We have been taught that women can “take a licking and keep on ticking.” They can’t, men can’t, because sexual response is like any other human response. It is cyclical, not phase-specific, unidirectional or gender-determined.
Masters and Johnson state, “From the viewpoint of physical capability, females have an almost unlimited orgasmic potential.” It would seem, then, that until absolute physical exhaustion results, women can experience a machine-gun-like series of orgasms but men have one and then go into “refraction.” Apparently it is men who must pause in sexuality. The women in my group were well aware of this idea, but felt that it was just not true for them. “I guess I could go on and on,” reported one wife. “But I don’t, never have, I can’t imagine how or why, and I gitess my husband could, too. But why? You could take a bath forever, too, but for what purpose?”
If one purpose of marriage is to share a range of activities, of transitional life events, then sex is only one of the many dimensions of life that spouses can experience together, physically, mentally, and spiritually.